The Man Called Death
When I was a teenager, feeling so deeply, a man used to visit me. He would visit on the sights where I felt like my lungs had caught fire from the hatred flaming in my heart. On these nights, my skin burned hot with the tears, like flames from my eyes, scorching my skin. He visited me on the nights that I hated myself so badly that to take another breath felt like I was drowning.
He would sit on the edge of my bed and allow me to sob into his chest. He would run his fingers through my hair and hold my ear close to his breast. The sound of his beating heart diminished the storms in my mind and wrenching pain in my heart. His presence seemed to be the only thing that was able to calm me. Knowing he was there was salvation to the fatal thoughts that consumed me.
He was a handsome man, with green eyes that sparkled with flecks of a forgotten pain. His iris was painted with the colours of a forest, sparkled with moss and vitality. His cheeks, sculpted like a marble statue, were flush with the warmth of his soul. One night, I told him I loved him.
He brushed my lips with his fingertips, as cold as ice. I jumped with the shock of his cold touch. He shook my from his lap as I looked up at him, with wide deer eyes. I begged him to stay. Stress began to mount in his pace, as if he had gone too far.
He told me I did not love him. He promised me that I would hate him, if I had truly known who he was. He said he had already stripped love from me; tore friendships apart and ripped family from my arms. I told him that it was in those moments, that the sadness was just too much to bare and I wanted to die, that I needed him most.
He told me I wasn’t ready to be with him. It was too big of a commitment. As he got up and walked away, leaving me on my own, he turned to tell me I wouldn’t see him again for a long time. He would come back, he said, when I was fading. For now, I had too much life about me. before he left, I asked him who he was. He replied that I wouldn’t want to know.
If you have been affected by any issues this story has raised, these links may offer assistance:
https://www.samaritans.org/?nation=scotland
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